BLEACH One Shots
by The Wanderer of Infinity
Summary: One shots about random things like coffee shops, shaving cream, and tight underwear! Funny, sad, and fluffy stuff! Please read and REVIEW!
1. Coffee Shop and I Realized

Bleach One Shots

Words-TBA

Fanatic99+computer+boredom+BLEACH=?

The best Bleach One Shots you might ever read (unless I make a better compilation!)

These will all be so random and funny and so fluffy it's like drowning in cotton balls in the middle of a SNL skit.

Some of them, however, will be so sad and full of angst you will cry.

Take it in!

REVIEW!

Coffee Shop

_Ichigo's POV_

"What is… a frap-puh-chi-no?"

I silently cursed and simply pulled Rukia's wrist even harder. I dragged us to a table, along with the 'suspicious-looking' 'people'.

_What the hell am I doing?_

Bringing the shinigami that were here over to a Coffee Shop had to be my worst decision ever.

I had Rukia Kuchiki, Renji Abarai, Madarame Ikkaku, Rangiku Matsumoto, and Toshiro Hitsugaya with me. It could've been worse.

_If Zaraki Kenpachi were with us!_

"I'll have anything with coffee in it," Renji announced.

Ever since he had some of the damn stuff he couldn't get his hands off coffee based products. I knew that he loved mocha too. So I knew to get him a mocha frap.

Whereas I knew that Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, and Ikkaku would all want crap with chocolate in it. Hitsugaya preferred dark chocolate, Matsumoto preferred white chocolate, and Ikkaku preferred any chocolate with caramel.

_Did I just think that?!_

Rukia, however, was a tricky person to know what to get. She always wanted something different. I mean, last time we came she wanted a strawberry milkshake (ha ha. No perverted thoughts, please.), but the time before that, she wanted a caramel expresso.

… _I should be a barista._

I ended up buying a mocha frap, a white chocolate milkshake, a dark chocolate frap, a caramel-chocolate milkshake, and Rukia's new spontaneous decision for a hot chocolate.

Oh, and I got a small coffee for myself.

I knew the barista was trying not to laugh. Her eyes were bulging and her smile was puffy and her cheeks were so huge that 'laughing' would be an understatement.

All the shinigami (with the exception of Rukia, who was partially used to coffee shops) looked so retarded I swear I wish I could have rolled up into the fetal position and died on the spot.

When I got our drinks and sat down, they all looked at their drinks in fascination.

Then they all grabbed and drank.

"Not…bad." Toshiro said in monotone.

"This tastes amazing!" Matsumoto blurted, alerting everyone within a 50 foot radius.

"Good… not as good as sake though." Ikkaku managed through his quick slurping.

"YUMYUMYUMYUM!" Renji screamed (with a caffeine overload).

Rukia smiled at the taste of her hot chocolate. "Mmm…" she moaned. "It's good. Thank you."

I managed a half-smile at her. At least there was a little peace and happiness I could have in this coffee shop.

We just stared at each other's eyes for at least 30 seconds.

Which were 29 too much?

"No… problem."

Just about everyone was staring at the 'suspicious people'. When they saw Rukia and I look at each other, I heard 'woos' and 'that's so cutes' and so many other things that I swear I wanted to wring their necks.

The barista walked by our table (to 'clean the table next to ours'). She smiled as she passed us and managed to whisper something to me.

_"She's a cutie, son. Don't let this one fall loose on you. You do realize that you have 3 other men sitting with you?"_

I slumped back in my chair. Why oh why did everyone always get the wrong impression?

Rukia tapped on my shoulder. "Hey Ichigo… look at that."

She pointed to the table behind us. She had a fascinated look on her face. I turned around.

There were two people… well… to put it straight, the girl was practically drinking her boyfriend's coffee out of his mouth. Like, with her _freaking tongue._

I had picked the wrong day for a coffee craving.

_"Oh Tsubasa," _she cooed loudly through their make out session. _"You make this coffee taste so much better."_

_"I'm glad that the feeling is mutual, babe."_

What a corny pickup line.

I turned around hastily and took a quick gulp of my coffee.

"We're leaving," I announced, trying to stand up.

_"I'm not done," _Hitsugaya said silently.

"But~"

"I'm not done."

That glare of his was so cold I knew it meant _'Listen to me or I will hack your head off with Hyoumimaru'_.

"Hey Ichigo," Matsumoto said, still staring at the couple with interest. "Does kissing actually improve the taste of a beverage?"

Renji choked on his coffee.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" I asked.

"Well, I'm going to experiment," she said in a matter-of-factly tone.

_NONONONONONONONO_

I shielded my virgin lips.

Matsumoto took a large gulp of her drink and smashed her lips on a shocked Ikkaku.

The Coffee Shop fell silent.

I stared with utter disgust at the sloppy kiss. I saw so much tongue that I wondered if she was trying to lick the saliva out of his mouth.

When Matsumoto finally pulled away, Ikkaku was gasping for air.

"How did that taste?" she asked.

"…good, actually." He muttered.

I saw Renji take a look at his frap then a look at Rukia.

_That little-_

Just as that happened Rukia looked at her hot chocolate with curiosity, then she peered over at me.

"NO!!!!" I practically screamed.

_Someone freaking SHOOT ME._

So I sat there in the Coffee Shop, slouching in my chair in disbelief.

_I give up._

I knew that the shinigami all discussed about their new discovery of 'beverage improvement'.

I knew that the couple behind us was still 'at it'.

I knew that the barista was probably texting all of her friends to tell them about the strange orange haired guy and his friends.

I knew that I was screwed for life and I couldn't go back to my favorite coffee shop.

But somehow, in the midst of all this, I felt Rukia's leg lean on mine as we sat there in silence.

She laughed as she finished her drink and I stared. Rukia was laughing both at me and with me (because of my stupidity on bringing them here and because of the sheer humor).

Her eyes twinkled like I had never seen before, and her smile could melt anyone's heart.

I felt the coffee in my mouth taste a little stale.

_Maybe I would like to try 'beverage improvement' one day after all. _

I Realized…

_Saddest of the bunch. Made me cry for her! _.~

Could be a two-shot…

_Orihime's POV_

I realized.

I saw the way he looked at her. She always lifted his spirits, she always made him try harder, and she made him smile.

I made him miserable, I made him frustrated, and I made him feel dark.

So I realized.

Ichigo… just didn't feel the same way.

As the days passed, my heart was still full of hopefulness.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe… he did love me.

As the days turned to weeks, and the weeks into months, I realized.

I was lying to my own heart. I was too afraid to shatter it, when I knew that if I told myself the truth it would be all okay.

As time progressed I saw her look at him differently.

Ichigo had always been a boy to her.

Now, he was a man in her eyes.

He was a man in her heart.

Love is a blessing. It soothes us all, making us feel warm, making us laugh, and cry. Love is all we need in this world, and I know it.

However, love is also a curse. If it is denied…

Your heart will feel empty.

Rukia… she's beautiful. She has beautiful violet eyes and raven hair. She's beautiful… both inside and out.

I have long orange-brown hair and grey-amber eyes. I guess I am beautiful on the outside, but am I really beautiful on the inside?

When I tried to… kiss him that night before I left for Hueco Mundo…

…I felt something within me and I knew…

…that it was never meant to be like this. Affection can be given, but it must be received or denied.

I closed my eyes and stopped the tears as I stood there.

I opened my eyes and peeked over the corner wall. I was not supposed to be here, yet I was.

Could I really be beautiful on the inside indeed?

The night was young and cherry blossoms flew in the air, floating gently around the two. I almost believed that someone was using kidou to control it, because the sakura blossoms all simply lingered near them..

Late spring in the Seireitei was beautiful. It was unlike any other spring in the world of the living. I loved spring.

Tonight I had mixed emotions.

"Ichigo," Rukia said quietly. "Maybe you should consider it…"

She fingered with the strap of her arm cast. Rukia was covered in bandages, and she broke her arm and some of her left collarbone.

She got the injuries fighting 7 Gillian alone. She had almost won, but three left her half-dead in the park down the street from my house.

My healing couldn't do anything. Her breathing had almost stopped, and her eyes, which usually were bright, looked so light and shallow I cried. We had to rush her to the medicinal corps in Seireitei, and even there we weren't sure if she would make it.

We had all been so devastated. Byakuya-san was silent, but we all could see the pain in his eyes. Renji-san… he was… enraged. He swore he would kill whoever dared to injure her like this.

The person most overwhelmed was Ichigo.

He went so far as to hunt down the remaining three, and in his rage, cut himself up in the process of his revenge. He was fatally injured by a Death-Blast, which almost blew his right arm right off.

Once Ichigo was rushed to medicinal corps Rukia was crushed. She went as far as to offer her own healing team to go and help him, even if it meant her own life would be in danger. Rukia felt responsible for his injuries… and now, she was trying to get him to stop. He had to stop everything.

"You _have_ to consider it." She decided blankly. "Commander Yamamoto has a special team of kidou-corps… who can remove your power. They can take away all the pain…"

Ichigo stood there. His arm was bandaged as well, and it hung by his side limply.

"There is no way…"

Rukia brought her good arm up to his lips and shushed him. "Listen," she begged him.

Ichigo furrowed his brow, but then gave in.

"You have done so much… you've risked everything…" she choked. "I don't want you to die. You have so much in store for in life, and being here, with the shinigami, is cutting your life short. You don't deserve to be with all these… souls. You belong with the living."

"I don't care!" said Ichigo. "I like doing everything I'm doing! I feel like it's my duty..."

I felt my heart skip a beat. Poor Kurosaki-kun…

Rukia shushed him again. Tears welled in her eyes.

"It is not your duty. You have family, friends, and school to worry about. That is your duty." She whispered. "We shinigami can't be part of your life." She paused.

"I can't be in the mix."

"Kuchiki-chan…" I whispered to myself quietly. Was she really serious about this?

"If you get your powers removed, the hollow will be gone too," Rukia continued. "All the enemies coming after you will stop once your reiatsu disappears. You'll be safe enough for your life. You could finish school, go to a 'University', and eventually start your own Kurosaki clan," she choked. "Just leave us, Ichigo. I…" She paused. "I care about you too much. You can't die."

Ichigo stood still.

"Will you please…?" Rukia whispered. "Do it for me?"

He didn't reply. He simply leaned in.

It was then I realized.

He didn't tell her 'I love you'. He didn't kiss or hug her, or confess undying feelings.

Ichigo smiled and pushed the bang on Rukia's forehead behind her ear gently. She blinked in surprise.

"Rukia," he whispered.

Rukia seemed to elevate in height. She tiptoed and leaned forward as he grasped the back of her head gently and brought it towards his face.

I could've died on the spot if he had done what both Rukia and I expected he would do. I bit my lips and balled my fists in anticipation.

"No. Way." He finished, flicking her forehead lightly.

And with that, Ichigo walked away laughing confidently. He left Rukia standing there, confused. She wiped the tears out of her eyes, and after a few seconds, she smiled and laughed as well.

"I'm so stupid," she said quietly. "He will never listen to me."

It was that contact. That light flick on her forehead made me realize.

Even though my heart felt empty and my eyes welled with tears, I managed to smile.

_I hope I'll find the guy who will flick me._


	2. I Meet My Little Beard

I Meet My Little Beard

Part 1 of a two-shot. This one is told in Ichigo's POV. I got the inspiration by watching my dad shave. Enjoy!

I first noticed it when I stumbled out of bed that faithful Tuesday morning.

My idiotic dad had jump kicked me off my mattress and onto the hardwood. I swear I feared my nose was bloody. So I ran to the bathroom to rinse off the damage and hopefully repair the damage with a heavy duty band-aid.

When I looked up from the running water over the sink at the mirror, the first thing I noticed wasn't the fact my nose was bent all wrong.

There was orange stubble shooting out of my chin. I was growing a beard.

I shrieked (and that was just a total understatement).

All at once my dad, Yuzu, Karin, and Rukia tumbled up the stairs to check on me. They were all worried.

"Oh. My." Dad gasped. He pointed to the hair on my chin. "Ichigo… my son…"

Tears welled in his eyes. "I'm so proud! You… are a man!!!'

Retard.

I stared at the beard on my face. It seemed more like a soul patch (Wow, the irony.), and it was so out of place. I reached up and felt it fearfully. It was spiky, sort of like the hair on my head.

ONLY IT WAS ON MY FREAKING CHIN.

I stormed out of the bathroom and slammed the door as I rushed in my room.

I guess I just couldn't picture myself as an adult.

I heard muffled voices in the hall.

_"Dad… you made him upset!" _Yuzu whispered.

_"Well, he doesn't have to act like he's PMSing," _Replied Karin. _"It's a BEARD! Most REGULAR teenagers would be happy."_

_ "Ichigo… my son… is a man…" _Dad wailed. "_Can you hear me Masaki?! ICHIGO IS A MAN!!!"_

As the chatter in the hallway continued, I noticed only one person didn't speak up.

I think you noticed too.

I heard the familiar sound of my Dad's head hitting the wall. Good old Karin had probably socked him.

"WELL?! You have to cheer him up, as stupid as it might sound," She scowled. "I heard that's what FATHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!"

Whoa. Karin was so… masculine. In a motherly way.

"But Daddy's afraid he'll get beaten up!" Dad wailed back.

I rolled my eyes.

There was silence.

After a few seconds, they started whispering; and this time I heard Rukia's voice in the mix. She sounded pretty anxious, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Dad yelled.

And with that, my family shoved Rukia into my room and slammed the door shut.

"Wha-?" I stammered.

Rukia dusted herself off and fixed the bow on her school uniform back into place. "Your dad said that I had to come in to talk some sense into you," She paused. "And he said I could also try making more of a man out of you because he really wants me to."

I looked at her with horror. "Are you really here to-?" I was ready to bolt out of there.

I'm not one for human emotion.

"No, you pervert," she shot back quickly. "Maybe we can escape and get to school."

So I quickly pulled on my uniform shirt over my black sleeping shirt and hissed at her.

"Turn around!"

"Why?"

I shoved her in my closet. "WHY?!" she repeated.

"I need to put on some school pants!" I screamed at her.

Rukia finally understood and shut up.

We stood there in silence. Then she started giggling. I could hear it bounce off the walls of my closet.

"WHAT?" I demanded, buttoning my pants.

"You grew a beard." Rukia said, laughing.

I opened the closet door. "And-?"

Rukia thought for a second. "Boys don't have mustaches. Only men do."

"SO-?" I said angrily.

She scratched her head. "You are… Ichigo Kurosaki, for crying out loud. I… just can't picture you an adult… with a beard."

I stared at her for a second. Rukia was half sympathizing me and half laughing at me.

She looked up. "Puberty sucks, doesn't it?"

I remembered how old she really was. She thought I was only an adolescent boy, not a man. Especially one who could grow a beard.

Well… I really never thought of myself that way anyway.

"DUH."

With that, I grabbed my bag and headed for the window.

"Let's scram."

Rukia snapped. "I left my things downstairs…" she moaned. "Can we try going out your door?"

I looked at her. "What?!"

She hit me. Then I gave in.

I pulled at my door. It wouldn't budge.

"Hmm?"

I pulled again. Nothing. I pulled so violently at the door I was afraid I would rip it off its hinges.

"I think they barricaded this way," said Rukia, slapping her forehead.

As I pulled away from the door, I felt sweat trickle down my cheeks.

And my chin. Is it even POSSIBLE to sweat out of your CHIN?!

"STUPID DAD!" I yelled.

Rukia shook her head and stared at my chin. "Hey… you look… different with that beard. In a nice way." She said quietly.

"Are you FREAKING insane?" I paused. "You've become one of them, haven't you?"

She shook her head and ran to the window. "Nope." She replied. "Now are we going to school or what?"

I still remember the exact words she said on the way to school.

"… Can you please shave it off? It's creeping me out."

That was two weeks ago.


	3. Shaving Cream

Shaving Cream

Part 2! I hope you enjoy the fluff (I'm dead serious!)

_Ichigo's POV_

I stood at the bathroom mirror. My dad had actually taught me something valuable.

_First rinse with water._

I rubbed some water onto the small orange patch of hair growing underneath my lip.

_Now apply shaving cream. Not too much, or too little._

I applied the cream on the designated spot. The cursed spot.

A voice broke my concentration.

"What is shaving cream really for?" Rukia asked me.

She was sitting on the toilet (with the cover down) next to me, reading a Shojo Manga and sucking at a cherry lollipop. She was on what my dad called 'supervision' duty- she had to make sure I was shaving right. The four of them- my dad, Yuzu, Karin, and Rukia, had to cycle supervision nights.

The best nights were when Yuzu supervised. She just watched in fascination.

Karin just ignored me and played with something. It was okay.

I hated dad's supervision cycle. My dad was always crying, saying I was a man.

Rukia, however, was someone you really couldn't expect to do anything regular. Sometimes she'd yell at me for doing it wrong, and sometimes she patted my back and said 'Kudos'.

Tonight her attention was averted to her magazine, not at my soul patch (which she had named Unagi, which means eel. God knows why.).

"Men use it so they don't cut themselves and bleed to death while shaving," I replied, picking up the razor.

She nodded at stared at me as I shaved a little of 'Unagi'. I could feel the orange hair cling to my chin, stuck on with the cream. It felt weird.

Rukia closed her magazine and got the canister of shaving cream.

"Hmmm."

I watched as she sprayed a little onto her palm. She looked at it in fascination.

I shaved all of Unagi off and rinsed the cream off with water. "Wow, Rukia. I never knew YOU had to shave. " I said sarcastically. "I wonder where?"

Rukia glared at me in rage. I smiled smugly and put on my aftershave, which smelled like strawberries (Ha ha).

It happened so quick my brain almost couldn't process it. Rukia had shoved the shaving cream at my neck. Then she grabbed my collar and rubbed it on the inside. It felt so awkward- so slimy, and so creepy, especially because I had a midget reaching her hands inside my shirt.

I watched in horror as she wiped whatever remaining shaving cream she had on her hands onto her dress.

Rukia smiled smugly right back. "What was that, Strawberry?"

I glared at her in rage, and then took hold of the canister of shaving cream. "Let me show you."

I sprayed some of the cream into my hand, and then squished it all onto her hair (I mean, what would you expect me to do? Do the same thing she did to me? I mean… reach into HER DRESS?! No way, pervert.).

She looked at me, her eyes wide and mouth gaped wide.

_"Bring it on, Strawberry."_

_Five Minutes Later_

The canister was officially empty. The floor was covered in shaving cream and so were we. We threw mock punches and shoved each other and laughed.

This was so wrong.

The floor was like a freaking _Slip and Slide. _Whenever she pushed me I would slide backwards.

I was going to be so screwed with my Dad.

_Then again, maybe not. He does want Rukia to man me up… which is just WRONG._

We were both laughing so hard we were gasping for air.

"Can we take a breather, Strawberry?" she asked, throwing a last handful of the cream at me.

"You can't handle the heat, Midget. Just admit it," I said, throwing the cream back. "But we can take a breather anyway."

Then it happened. It was so epic.

Rukia stepped forward, but slipped. I ran out at her to try to stop her fall, which I did… on the floor.

I slipped too, and I hit my head on the towels on the floor. She landed right on top of me, and her back was really heavy against my chest.

The shaving cream flew in the air. It was almost in slow mo.

Like I said- it was epic.

"Whoa," she said, out of breath.

Then we laughed again. She rolled over a little. Rukia had her head just beneath my chin, and I could feel the slimy cream on her hair rub on my neck.

Then she stopped laughing. She was still smiling though, and her eyes were closed as if she was dreaming.

"Hmmm."

She reached her head up. I looked at her in a mix of terror and uncertainty.

_What the hell-?_

Rukia had her lips an inch from me. It felt awkward. I could feel her warm breath tickle my cheek.

_No way. She really isn't planning to-_

Rukia leaned in even closer.

_! ! ! PERSONAL SPACE BREACH ALERT! CODE RED!!!_

_ I closed my eyes and awaited impact._

She took a deep breath. "Your chin smells good, Ichigo." I let out my breath. Phew. Curse that strawberry aftershave.

"You know…" she continued, looking at my chin. "I want to rename Unagi."

I looked at her as she sat up. "To what?"

"Sou."

I smiled.

_Sou means memory._


End file.
